Sunday, May 18, 2008

Married And Still Dating

If you are reading this, you probably fall into one of two categories; one, you’re married and you are thinking of cheating on your spouse, or two, you are wondering what the heck this article is going to be about and you just had to click and see! Well, if you are thinking about cheating, you’ve already given up on doing all you can to keep that spark alive that got the two of you together anyway, so go find another article. This one won’t be what you are looking for.

Did I just mention the “spark”? OK, everyone, be honest. In the beginning, you know, while you were in that dating stage, before the sharing responsibilities, before the kids, the shared pets, working different shifts, maybe different days off, before bills, BEFORE MARRIAGE, what used to happen?

I know I used to go dancing, I went on dinner dates that required dressing up (and that means a little bit of makeup and a comb through your hair!)(NO McDonalds!), we walked along the beach at sunset and we went on picnics at the park and talked the day away. You and your partner did things together, you were on your best behavior, and you enjoyed each other’s company.



But do they really have to? I mean, all the time?

No, they don’t! And you all have to do is to make an effort and little by little either keep that spark burning or find ways to bring it back if it’s starting to flicker and fade. It doesn’t take much effort, it doesn’t even have to take much money, but there has to be a conscious thought that “I want to spend time with my partner today”.

It may be taking a short walk through the neighborhood after dinner (holding hands, of course), maybe get a sitter (or sitter swap if you are on a budget) for a few hours and go see a movie (cuddling is great for this activity, hint, hint!). How about dressing up instead of wearing those jeans (or sweats) and t-shirt and going window shopping together? One, you will feel good about looking so HOT (and don’t you feel sexy when you know you are looking good?), you get to spend time with your honey, AND you get to talk about all of those things you are looking at while you are shopping. (This is a great time to drop hints about what you’d like for that birthday coming up or try and see if you can figure out what he’d really like for Father’s Day! Doesn’t he have enough ties, maybe he’d like that new fishing pole in the Sports Department this year?)

Do either of you brown bag your lunch to bring to work? When was the last time you snuck a note or a cute card in the bag to be read when lunch comes around? Just a simple “I love you! XOXOX” on a sticky note is sure to bring a smile to your partner’s face. Ever see those little “love coupon booklets” (I’ve seen them at Barnes and Noble and Wal-Mart to name a few) that you can tear out a page and leave on a pillow or hide in a suitcase for those who travel to see when they arrive at their destination? Some of them are very sweet and lovey dovey and some of them are just “HUBBA HUBBA”, you start hot flashing and the steam starts coming out of your ears! Whew! YOU decide how far you want to go. The look on your partner’s face may be enough to get things into perspective, nothing like SEEING that you are turning on the love of your life to get your own juices flowing! Wow, talk about a turn on, right?

When was the last time that instead of turning off the lights at night and waiting to see who starts snoring first (let’s get real, ladies, some of US snore, too!) that the lights get turned down to dim, you warm up some lotion or a lightly scented oil and gave your honey a rub down? My partner just goes all boneless and limp, then when I start rubbing his feet, I’d swear he’s part cat, he is literally PURRING! Just don’t forget to WARM the oil or lotion up; cold lotion will NOT relax your partner! LOL

Have I said yet that my husband has NEVER just let himself go to sleep after I give him that extra attention? Oh, no, my honey can’t wait to return the favor with the scented oil, he takes his time on MY feet (oh, my God, limp just does not describe how your body feels with a good foot rub!) and by the time he reaches my back, we are back to the HUBBA, HUBBA stage! I don’t think anyone needs me to explain any further what that means, right?

I’m going to go out on a little limb now and mention “phone sex”! I mean, come on, be honest, didn’t you have phone sex (whether it was just heavy flirting or all out petting yourself and telling your partner what you were doing) BEFORE you were married? I’m sure that most of you did (I can’t be in the minority, right?) (I am so laughing on this one, HUBBA, HUBBA, the memories . . .) So why does that have to stop because you are married and have kids? Wouldn’t you think that this is the BEST time to have phone sex? Now, be smart and think about the condition of your partner if you call him on his way TO work and get him all hot and bothered, I mean, do you really want his boss to see him that way? Well, some of you may be twisted enough to do this (I am so laughing on this one!), BUT calling him on the way HOME can be so productive, especially if you can have Grandma pick up the kids for a few hours and be wearing something sweet (hey, seductive works BETTER than sweet sometimes!) when you open the door for him to walk into the house.

Can you hear me say “PLAN A DATE/TIME WITH YOUR HONEY?

Nothing I’m mentioning here is anything new! Just a little bit of planning (spontaneity is wonderful, too!), just a little conscious effort, just a little bit of “he/she makes me happy and I want to spend time with them” is all it takes. You got married, so there must have been a reason why. And doesn’t it just make sense to try to keep that happiness, the joy, the satisfaction of spending time together, the contentment of being with the right person, to keep all of these things alive in your life?

I have to admit to really, truly feeling my own heart swell whenever I see an older couple walking past me, arm in arm or holding hands, and showing their connection, their love, to each other in their faces, in the way they stand next to each other.

Now, ultimately, isn’t that what we all really crave? Acceptance for what we are, no matter what, and the love we can share with the right person?


“Married” and “Dating” do NOT need to be on separate plains, intermingle them for the very best results. HAVE FUN!

By: Michelle Lacroix

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