You don't need to have any kind of preparation whatsoever in order to find a partner. But, in order to find a great partner, you need to have even more preparation than you would to find a great job. The successes in our life don't happen by accident or without effort.
The more of the things that you do on this list, the better partner you will find.
DECIDE ON WHAT YOU WANT FIRST - When you go shopping for food, there are those essential things that you don't want to forget like bread and milk although you end up buying many things. When you look for a partner, you need to be able to tell the important from the extras. You can't live on chips.
USE THE POWER OF VISUALIZATION - Our minds help us to achieve whatever we imagine. Use the power of your mind to help you find a great partner by clearly and repeatedly imaging such a person. You may already do this for sports or for oral presentations. It works for personal relationships too.
MAKE FRIENDS OR SPEND MORE TIME WITH FRIENDS - Friends help us to feel important and not to be lonely. Feeling unimportant and lonely will make you desire a person even if he or she is wrong for you. A starving person will eat moldy bread.
MAKE A DATING PLAN - Decide on how much time you will spend, how much money, how often you will date, etc. Having such a plan keeps you within your budget, keeps you on track, and is more likely to lead to success. Don't depend on spontaneity and luck to find a great partner.
MAKE SURE YOUR FINANCES ARE IN ORDER AND THAT YOU HAVE AN EMERGENCY FUND - Financial and emotional crises create dependencies on other people, even when they are wrong for us. Having money in the bank makes it easier to say "no" when you need to.
WORK ON YOURSELF - Get into counseling or better yet work with a relationship coach. Identify old patterns and change them or else you will just repeat them with a new person. A relationship coach will help you to identify the forces that prevent you from having success. Just wanting things to change doesn't automatically make them change.
FISH WITH THE RIGHT KIND OF BAIT - Are you a stay at home kind of person who is dreaming about an adventurous partner? Will that adventurous partner be attracted to you? It's not about pretending--it's about creating the kind of life you want to have by becoming the kind of person you want to be.
SHOP THE WORLD - If you wanted a fantastic car, would you only look for one at the local junk yard? The right person for you may be across the country or across the world. International dating takes more time than local dating and is not for the desperate and needy. But, the desperate and needy aren't going to find someone good in their backyard either.
ENJOY YOUR LIFE - Just as the best time to find a job is when you don't need one, so is the best time to find a mate. You then end up finding someone to share your great life with rather than looking for someone to make your life great. There is a world of difference.
HAVE A PASSION - Find something that is important to you and get involved. Save the whales, work for a local charity, or climb Mt. Everest. Do what turns you on in life before you look for someone who turns you on in life. Then such a person will be turned on by you.
WORK WITH A RELATIONSHIP COACH - Relationship coaches help you to get the kind of person you want while teaching you essential skills for building the relationship. Every shining star, executive, athlete, or politician you see has a coach. It helps them to be their best and to get the best.
Finding a wonderful mate takes preparation, work, and an investment of time and resources. This is true for every success in life. It is not a matter of getting lucky. It is only a matter of getting the right guidance and working consistently. The sooner you learn that, the sooner you can have what you want in life. Planning and work are characteristic of people who succeed. Are you willing to do what it takes in order to get what you want?
By: Jack Ito PhD
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Jack Ito PhD is a licensed psychologist and relationship coach. For 14 years he has helped more than one thousand men and women to have better relationships. Sign up for the Relationship Coach newsletter and receive a FREE Relationship Planning Guide. Get Relationship Coach Jack Ito's daily relationship advice at the Relationship Coach Blog.
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